Who initiates divorce most often? If you said men, you would be wrong. While it may seem as though men are more dissatisfied with their marriages than women, women are the ones who initiate divorces most of the time. In fact, they do it 69% of the time, according to a study that looked at data from 2,262 married adults between 2009 and 2015.
But why? There are many theories. It was once argued that women tend to initiate most divorces because they are more sensitive to difficulties in the relationship. However, women are not more likely to initiate non-marital relationships. The divorce initiation rate is unique to heterosexual marriages only.
It is believed that married women feel that their relationship quality is low when compared to that of married men. Many women find marriage to be oppressive and even uncomfortable in terms of gender equality. There are a lot of expectations of women. They are expected to provide most of the child care and perform most of the household maintenance. On top of that, many are also expected to work outside of the home. Husbands are not adapting to modern expectations and it is leaving women frustrated, resentful, and exhausted.
On top of that, many men are oblivious to their wives’ concerns. Men tend to ignore their wives when they try to talk to them about their marriage. Men tend to think that everything is fine —which is probably true from their perspective. When it comes to marriage, men often get the better end of the deal. They rarely put in the amount of effort that the typical woman does, and this leads to resentment. Women start thinking about divorce, and when they mention it, the men are often blindsided. That is likely because men are not always taught to express their emotions or be attuned to the emotions of others. Meanwhile, the woman is done putting any effort into the relationship.
It becomes easy for a woman to think about all the ways in which her husband does not fulfill her needs. He does not do any housework. He never cooks. He rarely spends time with the kids. He does not take her out to dinner. They do not do anything together. He does not communicate with her. After a while, the woman feels empty and bored.
This boredom often leads to infidelity. The woman develops an emotional connection with a co-worker or friend and it becomes physical. By this point, the marriage has broken down and reviving it can be next to impossible. Here are some other things that cause women to initiate divorce.
Women Want it All
Are women expecting too much from their husbands? Some people think so. Many women want their spouses to provide income, intellect, emotional support, intimacy, humor, and a sense of adventure. On top of that, women tend to want a lot from themselves. They may not want their kids to be raised in daycare. They may want a satisfying career of their own. Not all want to be stay-at-home parents.
Women Expect Change
Men and women have different expectations upon marriage. Men tend to marry the ideal women for them. They do not want to change their wives. Women, on the other hand, expect that their man will change. In fact, they will try to guide them to perfection and will be resentful when their husband refuses to change. This is what causes many women to end their marriage.
Men Have More to Lose
Men are more likely to tolerate unhappy relationships because they have more to lose in a divorce. Women are more likely to get custody of the children, so men tend to lose out on relationships with their children. Plus, they are often ordered to pay child support. Men often have to pay alimony, as well. When it comes to assets, they are not prepared to lose half of everything in a divorce. So they stay married, at least until the children are grown.
Women are Quick to Take Action
When the marriage is having problems, women are often the first to bring up the issues. They will discuss it with their spouses, who may take the conversation as criticism. They will ignore and dismiss the claims. Meanwhile, the resentment builds. The woman gives her husband more chances until she finally cannot take it anymore. When a woman says she is getting a divorce, she often wastes no time. After all, the odds are stacked in her favor. She will likely get custody of the children, child support, and maybe even alimony. Plus, she will be rid of some of the stress in her life. She will be able to start a new life as a single woman, which can seem very exciting to someone who has spent the last part of their marriage bored and unhappy.
Seek Legal Help
We often think that men are the ones who want divorces, but evidence shows that women are more likely to be the ones to make the decision — and overwhelmingly so. This means that it is up to women to communicate with their spouses and make their needs known. Without proper communication, relationships fail.
If your marriage is failing and you are considering divorce, seek legal help from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. He can guide you through the process and help you seek the outcome you desire. Fill out the online form or call (954) 346-6464 to schedule a consultation.