A divorce is an emotional situation comparable to the death of a loved one. Ending a marriage is always devastating, even if it is amicable.
But there is something that can throw you for a loop once the divorce has been finalized: seeing your ex-spouse with someone new. This situation can have you questioning yourself. How could they move on so quickly? What does that person have that you were lacking?
This is a situation that anyone could be in — even celebrities. Colombian singer Shakira experienced this first-hand when she and her boyfriend, professional soccer player Gerard Pique, broke up last summer. Pique recently showed off a photo of him and a new girlfriend on social media. She sings about the experience in her new song, “BZRP Music Sessions #53.”
One of the lyrics in the song is “No hard feelings baby,” but the truth is that many people do have hard feelings about seeing their ex with someone else. They start to doubt themselves. They see that another man or woman is willing to be their partner, so maybe their spouse was not all that bad. They start to have second thoughts and feel that maybe they should have tried harder in the marriage to make things work.
You may also feel cheated, especially if you helped your spouse through a difficult time in their life, such as an addiction or chronic medical issue. Now their new lover gets to reap the fruits of your labor. That’s not fair!
But the biggest issue is jealousy. Your husband was so lazy. He hardly ever held a job. How could he attract such a young, beautiful woman so quickly? Or maybe your wife never put any effort into your marriage. Well, she seems to be putting in some effort now as you watch her piling on some serious PDA with a new man.
These thoughts can take over your brain. Don’t let them. Here are some ways to stop thinking about your ex and move on.
Focus on Yourself
Your ex is not sitting around worrying about you, so stop thinking about them. Focus on yourself. How are you dealing with the divorce? Allow yourself to feel sad and mourn, but also focus on boosting your self-esteem. If your horrible ex can find a new partner, you can, too. Stop feeling hurt and get out and enjoy life. If you are having problems with your feelings, seek help from a therapist.
Unfollow Your Ex
If you follow your ex on social media, stop! It will only make you sadder to see photos of them with their new love. Instead, unfollow them from Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and other sites and just ignore them. Seeing them happy will only torture you.
Don’t Feel Bad for Yourself
There is no need to throw a pity party because your ex has a new lover. Some people do not need as much time to grieve. They can move on faster. Men are especially known for getting into rebound relationships quickly. This is likely because men do not have the support that women do. They share their feelings with friends and family members. Some even see a therapist as they hash out their feelings. Men tend to grieve alone, and they want something to get their minds off their negative feelings, so they get involved in new relationships. So be proud of yourself for taking the time you need without rushing into something you might regret.
Remember Why You Ended the Marriage
You may feel a little jealous at first, but think about it. There was a reason (or two or three) why you divorced. Do you really want your ex-spouse back? Most likely, no. Let their new partner deal with them. They may seem in love, but they could be dealing with the same issues you and your ex were dealing with. So instead of feeling jealous, breathe a sigh of relief and feel happy that you do not have to deal with that anymore.
Before you look for love, be sure to love yourself first. You have to believe in yourself and think positive. Be happy and have fun being single. Spending time alone is not so bad. The right person will come along. Stop worrying about your ex and focus on what you want out of life. Then you will have enough time for your next relationship. And because you have spent more time thinking about what you want in a partner, you can bet that this relationship will be better than your last.
The grass is not always greener on the other side. Over time, the new person in your ex’s life will see them the same way you saw them at the end of your marriage. And keep in mind that people often move on after a divorce. Some will move on before others. Do not worry about it. Enjoy being single. Relationships require a lot of time and effort, so do not feel pressured to move on before you are ready.
Seek Legal Help
While getting out of a bad marriage can be a relief, it can also be frustrating to see your former spouse move on with someone else so quickly, especially if you were the one who initiated the divorce.
Seeing someone move on so quickly can make you feel bad. Were you not enough? Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you deal with post-divorce life so you can transition to single life with ease. To schedule a consultation, call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form.