When There is a Lack of Effort in a Marriage

When There is a Lack of Effort in a Marriage

Many couples think that they don’t have to work hard at their marriage. They just assume that life will move along like clockwork. But that is simply not true. Marriage takes a lot of work. Even when the relationship feels like it is going great, it is easy for it to go off course. 

Marriages require regular maintenance. Everything good in life requires work. You cannot just walk down the aisle and expect the rest of your marriage to go smoothly. Life happens. Arguments happen. 

While you should be able to feel comfortable in your marriage, you should also be putting in the effort to keep your marriage strong. If you already do this, great. If your spouse does not put any effort into the marriage, then your relationship can become one-sided. You will quickly become bitter and resentful of their actions (or lack thereof), causing you to question their love for you. 

Marriages cannot thrive when only one person is doing all the work. Find out the signs of a lack of effort and how you and your spouse can put more effort into your marriage so you can avoid divorce.

What is Effort?

First, it is helpful to know what exactly effort is. Effort refers to paying attention to your partner’s needs and making them feel loved and valued. This does not mean engaging in grand gestures. It is about doing little things, like helping them around the house or helping them when they are injured or ill.

Marriages require effort, or else they allow couples to get into their comfort zone. They need to be maintained, just like cars. Making an effort allows for a happy and healthy relationship.

Signs of Lack of Effort

Is your spouse not putting enough effort into the marriage? Or maybe you are the one who could use a nudge to do more to maintain the marriage? In any case, these signs point to a lack of effort on the part of one party:

  • One person is always the one to initiate conversation. Communication should be a two-way street. When one person is always the one to start talking, it makes it seem as though one person is putting in the effort and the other is not.
  • One person never shows interest in the other’s life. Even after many years of marriage, it is important to keep making the effort to show interest in the other person. You may think you know your spouse after 20 years of marriage, but do you really? People evolve over time. Interests may change. Opinions may change. Keep showing interest; you may be pleasantly surprised. 
  • You do not do anything together anymore. You and your spouse should be engaging in activities together, whether it is regular date nights, mini vacations, concerts, sports games, or other events. 
  • You or your spouse claims to be too busy. After work, dinner, and dealing with kids, there may not be enough hours in the day. Still, you should be able to find 10-20 minutes to have a conversation, talk about your day, or engage in intimacy. 
  • There is a lack of intimacy. You and your partner should be having sex on a regular basis. It is an important part of a marriage. At the very least, you should be engaging in some other physical intimacy, such as kissing, hugging, or cuddling.
  • You do not care about connecting anymore. Marriage takes an ongoing effort. You should always be thinking of ways to connect with your spouse. They want to feel loved, and so do you. Try to do things that create memories. 
  • You stop caring about your appearance. It is easy to get comfortable in a relationship, but that does not mean it is time to stop showering and wear nothing but sweats. Make an effort to look good for your partner. You may no longer dress up if you work from home, but make it a point to go on dates and events where you can kick up your appearance a notch. This will show your spouse that you still want to make an effort.

How to Put More Effort Into Your Marriage

Fortunately, there are simple things you can do to put effort back into your marriage and bring back the spark:

  • Communication. This is often the biggest issue in a marriage. Always have conversations with your spouse. Talk about everything and anything and be there to listen. 
  • Do things together. Marriage is a partnership, so act like it. What does your spouse like to do? Join them. They should return the favor. 
  • Be thoughtful. Nobody wants to be a nag. Do things without asking. Show your spouse that you care about them and want to make their life easier. 
  • Give compliments. Everyone loves praise. Compliment your spouse’s looks or personality. If they have been working hard, compliment their work ethic. 
  • Be romantic. Say “I love you” every day. Hold hands. Hug. Cuddle. This shows your spouse that they are worth the effort. 

Seek Legal Help

When only one person is putting effort into their marriage, the relationship becomes one-sided. You may wonder if your spouse really cares about you. It can bring about a lot of anger and resentment. 

A lack of effort can quickly lead to divorce. If you’re not feeling comfortable in your marriage, it may be time to consider a divorce. Count on Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler for effective representation. Learn more by scheduling a consultation. Call (954) 398-5712, or fill out the online form.