Marriage should be happy. It should not be a negative experience, but sometimes it can be. One thing in a marriage that can be incredibly frustrating and annoying is when you have to deal with your spouse’s constant complaining.
It is no fun when your husband or wife always complains. It takes the joy out of your relationship. You feel criticized. You may feel as though you can not do anything right. You are tired of the constant negativity. It is like a heavy weight bringing down your relationship.
People complain for many reasons. Maybe they have high expectations and are just easily frustrated. Perhaps they just want attention; they want to see if you are listening to them. It is possible that your spouse thinks you are slacking off in the marriage and not doing your fair share.
In any case, you may be tired of the negativity. So, what happens next? Do you need to call a divorce lawyer? Not necessarily. Are there some things you can do to make your marriage more bearable? What are some things you can do to bring about change? Here are some tips to reduce negativity and bring about positivity when your spouse’s criticism seems to be wearing you down.
By setting boundaries, you both learn how to interact better with each other. You direct the behavior so that they are not specifically criticizing you. It does not mean that you are shutting the other person out. It does not mean that you are not listening to them. You are just being thoughtful with your behavior so you can avoid being hurt by your spouse. You are putting guidelines in place. As a result, your complaining spouse may not have a reason to vent as much.
Do Not React Too Quickly
When your spouse starts complaining, you may want to shut it down right away. While listening to the complaining can get on your nerves, you need to be patient. While you should recognize the intense emotions you may be feeling, refrain from lashing out. If you are too impulsive, all you will do is create conflict, which is what you want to avoid.
Instead, listen to your spouse. Pay attention to what he or she is complaining about and see if you can come up with a solution. Let your spouse be heard so you gain a sense of clarity. Then your next step should be to work on a solution together.
Find Out the Underlying Problem
No marriage is perfect. There are bound to be some arguments from time to time. There will be times when your spouse will get on your nerves. So when your spouse starts complaining, you will want to resolve the issue quickly. What are they frustrated about? Who or what is the complaint directed toward? Tell your spouse to help you out and give you details so you can determine the underlying problem and work toward a solution.
Share Your Feelings
Your spouse may be oblivious to how their complaining is affecting you. Do not hide your feelings. If your spouse’s behavior becomes a little too much for you, let them know. Let them know your point of view. Tell them you are tired of how often they complain and how negative they sound. By being honest and upfront with them, it might get them to change their behavior and think more positively.
Change the Subject
When people do not want to hear about something, they often change the subject. So do the same when your spouse starts acting up with their complaints. Instead of giving in to the drama, talk about something else. Think about what exciting topics your spouse would want to talk about instead and steer the conversation in that direction. That could refocus your spouse’s attention and turn the negativity into something positive.
Learn to Listen Better
If your spouse feels as though you are not listening to them, they may keep on complaining. You may feel as though you are paying attention to your spouse, but are you really? We have so much going on nowadays. Our minds are just so busy with so many details that it can be hard to actively pay attention and listen to what people are telling us. So, if your spouse does not feel as though they are being heard, they may continue complaining. To get the complaining to stop, try actively listening. Put the devices away and give your spouse some eye contact. You will be surprised at the results.
Think About How You Can Help
When your spouse starts complaining, instead of dismissing their complaints, tell them how you can help. That is what your spouse is looking for. They want your help; they need your support. Do not focus on the details, though. Instead, tell your spouse that you are available if they need your help and want to talk. If they are complaining all the time, they likely want your support and advice. So give it to them, and maybe that will get them to stop complaining so much.
Seek Legal Help
Marriage should be happy and positive, for the most part. While it is normal for a person to vent their frustration, they should not always be complaining about their spouse. That is just not healthy.
Should you seek a divorce? Get the right legal advice for your situation from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. We understand divorce can be a life-changing decision. We will guide you through it. To schedule a consultation, call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form.