Marriage takes a lot of work. When times get tough, communication can break down. Spouses may feel like strangers. Luckily, there is help available. Marriage counselors can help you and your spouse communicate better and resolve your issues.
But what if your marital problems cannot be resolved? Should you consider a divorce? The good news is that in the United States, you typically do not need a reason for divorce. You can simply cite “irreconcilable differences” and be on your way to a happier life.
For those who are scared to do so, why? There is no longer a stigma about divorce. With a divorce rate of 50%, you probably know many people who have been divorced at least once. Having money troubles? Do not let a lack of money hold you back. Think about your own happiness for once, because if you are truly in a toxic marriage, you cannot depend on your spouse to think about your best interests. You need to swallow your pride and know when to cut your losses.
Should You Divorce?
Search online and everyone has opinions on whether or not a certain action justifies divorce. Marriage counselors see marital problems firsthand every day, so what do they think? Where does one draw the line at trying to put in more effort versus just giving up, letting go, and moving on? Here are some good reasons they think you should get divorced:
- Physical abuse. Physical abuse is the exact opposite of what a marriage is about. You need to be with someone whom you love and trust. You and your spouse are supposed to be a team, solving life’s problems together. When your spouse physically abuses you, it causes a lot of damage. Your safety, your health, and even your life are all threatened. You have effectively lost trust in your partner, so why would you want to stay married to them? If you have children, their lives are also at risk. Get out and get help as soon as possible, before it’s too late.
- Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse comes in many forms. It includes name-calling, insults, guilt trips, silent treatment, gaslighting, and a whole bunch more. Emotional abuse can be almost as bad as physical abuse. It may not leave bruises or broken bones, but it can negatively impact one’s mental health. Emotional abuse is not a partnership. but you get the idea. Isn’t this the opposite of partnership? If you and your spouse engage in and tolerate emotional abuse, it becomes normal. You may think you have to endure it forever. You don’t. You will never thrive. Get out before it gets worse and escalates to physical abuse.
- Substance abuse. Addiction to alcohol or drugs is a serious issue for a marriage. That is because the goal of marriage is a strategic partnership of two individuals. You and your spouse should be using your strengths to face life’s challenges together. However, if your spouse abuses substances to the point where he or she is no longer supporting your marriage, then you are pretty much on your own. There is no more partnership, even though you are still legally married. Your best bet is to get your affairs in order and move on.
- Your spouse does not love you. This can happen in many forms. Maybe your spouse has cheated on you and is in love with someone else. Maybe your spouse loved you at one time, but has fallen out of love as you both have gotten older. Perhaps your partner has a personality disorder and is actually incapable of love even though they tell you often that they love you. This can be a difficult situation to deal with, but you deserve someone who loves you. Get out and find your true love, because you are not married to them.
- Inability to help with problem solving. This may not seem so bad at first glance. Your spouse is a nice enough person. They might work and help pay the bills. But a marriage takes more than that. No relationship is perfect. Problems will arise in a marriage and you, as a couple, need to solve them. If your spouse never wants to help you solve the issues you are having in your marriage, he or she is not a true partner. You need someone who will be there for you, through thick and thin. They should not disappear at the first sign of trouble and expect that you will handle everything. You cannot and you should not. Even if your partner is not physically or emotionally abusive, they are not being a true partner if they are constantly leaving you on your own. Find a real partner.
Should You Divorce?
Only you can answer that question. Divorce is a personal decision. It is one that should not be taken lightly. If you truly cannot get along with your partner and feel alone in your marriage, then it might be time to move on. However, you might want to try counseling before you call it quits so you can at least have peace of mind knowing that you tried the best you could to save your marriage.
Seek Legal Help
You may feel like divorcing your spouse, but you may wonder if it is justified. Should you keep trying to work things out or give up? How do you know?
Some problems cannot be resolved. Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler understands this and can help you make the right choices when it comes to the various elements of divorce. Get started by scheduling a consultation. Fill out the online form or call (954) 398-5712.