Marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows. Your wife will not stop nagging at you about everything. Your husband lost his job. Bills are not getting paid. Your kids are driving you nuts. Your partner will not help you with household chores. Many times, divorce crosses your mind. You just cannot take it anymore.
It is time to put that negativity to rest. Divorce is not a glamorous option. You do not just show up to court, sign a piece of paper and walk out a free person. A divorce can be a long, drawn-out battle that lasts years. You could lose tens of thousands of dollars in the process. You might not get what you want in a dviroce. You may have to move out. If you used to stay at home, now you will have to get a job to support yourself. It is possible you could end up even more miserable than before.
So what other options do you have? One is to just stick it out. That is right, just put in the effort and stay together. Find a way to work things out. Many couples stay together for the long haul, and you and your partner could be one of them.
Staying married, however, is no easy task. Your partner is sure to drive you nuts every now and then. You will still have fights. But it is most likely better than being alone and trying to support yourself with no help.
That is not to say that every marriage can be saved. If there is abuse, addiction, infidelity or other serious issues involved, then it is better to end the relationship. However, if you and your spouse are struggling with issues that can be fixed—such as money problems, parenting issues or splitting household chores—then it is probably less stressful to work together to resolve the problems than to consider a divorce, which can be time-consuming and costly.
Want to know how to divorce-proof your marriage? Here are some tips to help you navigate your relationship with ease.
Disregard the Rules
If you are like most people, you have read countless articles about the various “rules” you need to follow to get a date, get married and stay married. However, marriage does not work based on a rule book. Going on date nights every week and having sex several times a week will not necessarily keep your marriage strong. Talk to your spouse about what works for you. Every couple is different, so do whatever works for you, as long as you both are satisfied.
Do Your Own Thing
Some married couples focus too much on what others are doing. You may be jealous of your neighbors, who always go to the coolest concerts. Maybe you think it is so sweet that your best friend’s husband always whisks her away on weekend getaways. Yes, those are some cool activities, but you do not have to do the same things. Do not worry about what works for other couples. Again, there are no rules for marriages. If you and your spouse are content staying home and watching Netflix or baking cakes, then do it. It is not about others; it is about you and your spouse and what works for you.
Do Not Focus on Winning
Marriage is not a game. It should not be about who “wins” a fight or who is right in an argument. Your focus should be on being happy, so do not be afraid to apologize or end an argument, especially a trivial one. Focusing on unimportant issues can really bring down a marriage, so learn to make up and forget about it. In the end, nobody wins if both spouses are unhappy.
Spend Time Apart
Yes, it is good for couples to spend time together, but being around each other 24/7 can get suffocating—not to mention boring. Engage in activities with other people or even by yourself. Spending time apart can work wonders for your marriage. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You will be much happier to see your spouse once you return.
Tackle Finances Together
In many marriages, one person takes control of the finances. They earn money, they pay the bills and they decide what to do with anything left over. While you may not be good with money, it is important that you have a say in the money matters in your marriage. After all, the finances affect you, too. If your spouse mismanages the money, then it will affect what you can and cannot buy. Pay attention and look for ways to give your input.
Engage in Constructive Conflict
Every couple fights. Even the most compatible couple is bound to have disagreements from time to time. It is not something you can avoid, so you might as well do it right. Conflicts can arise over money, parenting, family, sex, household chores, and other issues. The way you argue, however, can be damaging to the other person, so make sure the rules are clear before you start lashing out. For example, when disagreeing, you may agree to avoid swearing, sarcasm, putdowns, raising your voice, and bringing up certain topics. The goal of conflict is to voice your opinion and be understood, not to win by playing dirty.
Seek Legal Help
Nobody really wants to get divorced, so if you are willing to stay together, it is possible to do so. Start making the effort and you just might make it for the long haul—’til death do you part.
However, it takes two to make a marriage work. If your partner is not willing to put in the effort, do not try to save your relationship on your own. Palm Beach divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you understand your options. Call (954) 346-6464 and schedule a consultation.