Nobody goes into marriage wanting to get divorced. As time passes, however, people sometimes change. Some develop new hobbies and interests. Some become more responsible, while their spouses become less so. Many see their spouses develop crippling addictions that end up ruining marriages. Many go through midlife crises and want to start a new life with someone else.
In most divorces, both parties come to the agreement that the marriage is not working and that it is time to move on. In some cases, though, one party files for divorce against the other person’s wishes. The other person is totally blindsided by the decision; the other spouse had no idea that the marriage was in trouble.
When you do not want to divorce but your spouse does, it can be devastating. It does not matter how long you have been married. Whether you were married for just a few months, a few years, or even several decades, it can be hard to come to the realization that you were committed to a person who no longer wants to be in a relationship with you.
This can cause self-esteem issues. Knowing that your partner no longer wants to be with you is a devastating blow. You will likely be depressed and fearful about your future. If you have children, you may be worried about their reactions, as well.
It can be hard to be apart from someone you love, even if he or she no longer loves you. Your mind will no doubt be filled with constant memories and regrets. You may wish that you could have done something different to prevent the divorce. However, there is hope. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. While the wounds caused by an unwanted divorce can linger for quite some time, you will feel better about yourself in time.
Do not think of your divorce as the end. Yes, it is ending your marriage, but it is opening up a new chapter in your life. Consider it a beginning. It is a time in which you can focus on yourself and understand what you want out of life so you can pursue a meaningful relationship in the future, if you so desire.
It is possible to rebuild your life after an unwanted divorce. Here are some tips that will help.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
The end of a marriage is similar to a death of a loved one. While your spouse is still alive, the marriage is dead. Expect to experience the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, do not allow your inner thoughts to control your emotions. Otherwise, you will never accept the divorce.
Now is not the time to blame or criticize yourself. The divorce may not have had anything to do with you. Sometimes partners do everything right but the other party still wants to divorce. Many people have emotional issues that they think will resolve themselves with divorce. Perhaps they are struggling with addiction or are attracted to someone else. Maybe they are having a midlife crisis and are not sure what they want to accomplish in life. These issues are not your fault.
Therefore, stop thinking about what you did wrong and focus on loving yourself. This will help you understand that you can find happiness in life without being in a relationship. You do not need someone else to love you in order to move on with your life.
Find a Support System
While it is great to be able to love yourself, you should have a support system of friends and family members who love and support you, as well. During this time, you will find out who your real friends are. Many couples going through a divorce find that some of their friends will avoid them. Having solid friendships will help you during this difficult time. It is always nice to have someone to lean on when things are rough.
Focus on Your Goals and Interests
We all have things we want to accomplish. Now is a great time to think about your goals and take the next steps to reach them. Whether you want to lose 10 pounds, go back to school, or work toward a promotion, you have nothing stopping you now. Think about goals that will help you become a better person in the long run.
Also, think about the things you enjoy for once. When you were married, you likely had to compromise a lot to please your spouse. As such, you may have forgotten what you like. Take some time to explore your interests.
Celebrate Single Life
While you may have enjoyed married life, being single certainly has some advantages. You can do what you want. You do not have to answer to anyone. If you want to eat ice cream for dinner, that is your choice. You do not have to share your house with anyone. You can spend your money however you want. You no longer have to compromise. It is all about you, so enjoy it. You will also get some much-needed solitude, which will help you plan for the future.
Seek Legal Help
An unwanted divorce can cause significant damage to one’s self-esteem. It can take a long time to heal from such a wound, but by focusing on rebuilding your life, you can let go of anxiety and fear and find the courage to move forward.
Palm Beach divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you move on after an unwanted divorce. He understands the emotional effects that such an act brings and can provide you with the resources you need to begin your journey of healing today. To schedule a consultation, call (954) 346-6464 today.