No one enters a marriage expecting it to fail, but divorce does happen quite often. By the 20-year mark, 48% of marriages have ended in divorce.
Ending a marriage can be an upsetting event. There is often a flood of emotions involved–mostly negative ones–as the relationship runs its course. A person may be happy, sad, upset, grief-stricken, relieved, ecstatic, bitter, fearful, anxious, and revengeful–all over the course of one day.
While breaking up is hard to do, it does not have to be a battle. While it may be difficult, you can power through it without letting your emotions rule you. In fact, if you let your emotions rule your divorce, you are more likely to experience negative outcomes.
You want to use logical and rational thought combined in accordance with the law. Here are some tips for a smooth divorce.
Be Kind to Yourself
You will likely experience a wave of emotions during the divorce. Some of them will take you by surprise. Do not be too hard on yourself. You will have an easier time managing your divorce if you show compassion for yourself. You will get through it; just take a deep breath and be patient.
Communication is probably the last thing you want to do with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, but it can work wonders for your divorce. Avoiding the situation does nothing to resolve the issue. Instead of avoiding him or her, talk things out. Negotiate and reach decisions. You can save a lot of time and money in your divorce proceedings simply through communication.
However, there is good communication and bad communication. When talking with your ex-spouse, learn the art of cooperation. Do not come into a discussion ready to argue. Take a deep breath and speak nicely. Avoid insults and bad-mouthing. Try to discuss things amicably. You do not have to be best friends but you should try to be on good terms, especially if you want a drama-free divorce.
If you are trying to communicate cooperatively but are not making much headway, perhaps mediation could be useful. Mediation involves the use of a neutral third party to help you make decisions about alimony, child custody, asset division, and other elements in a divorce. While a mediator cannot give legal advice, they can help guide you and your ex-spouse toward proper communication so you can better negotiate. Mediation is a great way to avoid litigation, so make a good effort.
Keep the Children Away From Conflict
Divorces become even more stressful and emotional when children are involved, which is why many couples stay together for the kids. However, children who stay in high-conflict marriages experience more problems than those whose parents divorce. So if you and the other parent fight often, divorce may be the better option.
While children do struggle with divorce at first, most tend to do well within two years following the divorce. The best thing you can do is keep your children away from conflict. Do not use them as middlemen. You should communicate with the other parent, not them. Also, avoid insults and bad-mouthing aimed at the other parent.
Try to establish routines and avoid sudden change. Children like to have sufficient notice about changes to schedules. Encourage them to be in close contact with both parents. Keep the lines of communication open and honest.
Take Care of Yourself
There is a lot going on during the divorce process, and things can be more complicated when children are involved. However, you need to remember to take the time to take care of #1: yourself. If you neglect yourself, you do not function as well as you need to in order to work and care for your children.
Make sure you get the assistance you need. Lean on family and friends to guide you through this difficult time. A support group geared toward divorced people can be helpful, as you will meet others who are going through the same thing as you or have gone through it and can give you advice.
Going from married to single is a huge undertaking. Stay positive as you go through this change. Spend time with friends and family. Read a book. See a movie. Soak in the bathtub and relieve the tension. Get involved in hobbies you once loved or try new ones. Meet new people. Go on a trip by yourself. Explore new places.
Above all, stay healthy. Eat right and exercise often. Getting active can help you stay healthy physically and mentally.
See a Psychologist
Do not be afraid to see a psychologist–your mental health following a divorce should be your utmost concern. Psychological help may be a good idea for you and your children after a divorce. A psychologist can help you deal with your emotions and adjust to what is happening. Getting mental help can also be helpful before you embark on a new relationship. A psychologist can also help you think about what went wrong in your marriage so you do not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships.
Seek Legal Help
Divorce does not have to be a nasty, contentious event filled with hatred and contempt. You can manage your emotions and make the process a smooth one with negotiation, compromise, and good communication.
Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler has options to make your split a healthy one. Move on without all the negative energy. We can give you the right advice. Schedule a consultation with our office by calling (954) 346-6464 or filling out the online form.