After a contentious marriage and divorce, you may swear off marriage forever. And that is perfectly fine—42% of divorced people do not walk down the aisle again.
However, there are those romantics who believe in love and even though they have gone through a divorce, they want to get married again. They think that Mr. or Mrs. Right is still out there. And while it may be possible, there is no rule that says you have to marry again.
In fact, it is a good idea to spend some time after a divorce rediscovering yourself. After a long marriage, you want to enjoy the single life. You should focus on establishing a new life without worrying about a relationship. Rushing into another marriage is not fair to yourself or the other person.
After a divorce, you also want to spend some time understanding what went wrong in your marriage and figure out how to avoid the same mistakes in future relationships. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for another divorce.
While a new relationship may sound good after a crappy marriage, you may want to hold off. Here are some signs that you should not be focusing on remarriage quite yet.
Your Divorce Has Not Been Finalized Yet
There are some people who start the divorce process, get into a new relationship, and get married before they even have their divorce decree. That is just asking for trouble.
Why would you want to hurry up and get married before your divorce has even been finalized? While it is understandable that you might be lonely, rushing into a new marriage is never a good idea. Your focus right now should be on finalizing your divorce, not getting remarried. The new marriage could cause extra stress for your divorce, and the divorce could do the same for your marriage. So slow down and do you and your new partner a favor by taking it one step at a time. Get the divorce out of the way first. There is no need to hurry.
You Have Been Dating for Less Than a Year
Again, you want to slow things down. Even if you think you have found “The One,” proceed with caution. People can change over time, so even if you think your new love is perfect and wonderful, your judgment may be clouded by the newness of the relationship. You should not think about marriage until you and your partner have been together for at least a year. That will give you time to see how they deal with various aspects of their lives, such as work obligations, family matters, and other stressors.
You Have Low Self-Esteem
A divorce can really bring down your self-esteem and make you feel bad about yourself. When this happens, you may feel like being with someone, even if they do not meet your standards. This could lead to you marrying the wrong man or woman. You do not want that to happen because that will result in yet another divorce, which is something you want to avoid. Therefore, you should take some time to improve your self-esteem before considering remarriage.
You Have Not Found Closure Yet
Divorces involve a lot of negative feelings and they can take a long time to process. You are not going to want to get married again overnight. It is perfectly fine to take your time getting over your feelings, and negative ones such as guilt, anger, bitterness, and regret can take a while to get over.
However, if you are still having trouble finding closure, then getting married again should not be on your to-do list. Take some time instead to reflect on your marriage and figure out what you did right and what you did wrong. It may be helpful to seek therapy to come to terms with your feelings and work through them.
You Blame Your Divorce on Your Ex
While it may be obvious to you that your ex’s actions caused your marriage to end, that is likely not true. It takes two to get married and two to get divorced. You need to take a good hard look at how you may have contributed to the divorce and what you could have done to keep the marriage together. Nobody is blameless.
In any case, you need to learn to take responsibility for your actions before you get married to someone else. You need to learn from your experiences so you do not make the same mistakes in a subsequent marriage. Otherwise, you will blame your new spouse for everything and that will lead to yet another divorce.
You Want to Get Back With Your Ex
If your ex is still on your mind, then you definitely should not be getting married anytime soon. You may be thinking about the good times you had with your ex, but you need to stop thinking about the past. You and your ex got divorced for a reason, so stop dreaming about getting another shot. Why would you want to rehash the past? Nothing good is likely to come from it, so just move on with someone new who could be much better for you. Close that chapter of your life. In the meantime, do not even think about getting married again.
Seek Legal Help
Not everyone needs to be remarried right away after a divorce. Some do not ever want to be married again, and that is OK. After a divorce, you need to take some time to think about what type of romantic situation is right for you.
Seek legal help from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. He can guide you through the intricacies of divorce. To schedule a consultation, call (954) 398-5712 or fil out the online form.