Lack of Commitment in a Marriage

Lack of Commitment in a Marriage

When you first get into a relationship, you start to develop feelings of love. Once that relationship progresses and it turns into an engagement, that is when things get heavy. After all, your relationship is no longer casual. It is now a commitment. 

Commitment can be a scary word for a lot of people. Being committed to someone means sharing your life with them. You have to reevaluate your life and priorities. You must think about your spouse and change the way you act. 

Commitment is important in a marriage. It keeps you both faithful to your marriage. Over time, commitment will strengthen the marriage, as well. 

However, commitment can wane over time, depending on how your relationship goes. After the honeymoon period of marriage, things can often get complicated. When you start to have children, your marriage can have issues due to the stress involved. Financial problems can also come about, as well as jealousy and intimacy issues that can cause a couple to feel less committed to each other. However, with communication, these issues tend to resolve themselves and couples start to feel more committed to each other again. 

Keep in mind that nobody can change your level of commitment. It is your choice to be committed to someone. If you are married to someone, you should be committed to them. So when you lack commitment, you are not making the other person feel loved or important. You are effectively ruining the marriage. In many cases, this can lead to divorce

Effects of a Lack of Commitment

It can be frustrating when there is a discrepancy in the level of commitment from each partner. A good marriage requires that couples be mutually committed, or committed to the marriage to the same degree. When one person is willing to make the commitment but the other is not, both parties ultimately suffer. This is called an Asymmetrically Committed Relationship, and while nobody wants to be in one, it is, unfortunately, easy to land in one. 

In a study that consisted of 315 couples, 65% were mutually committed. Men were much more likely to be less committed to the relationship than women. 

When couples lack commitment, marriages tend to suffer. Even when one person in a relationship lacks commitment, it can lead to a downfall. One or both parties drift away and take each other for granted.

Lack of commitment can lead to infidelity. If you are not committed to your partner, you open yourself up to temptation. This can cause you to cheat on your spouse.

Without commitment, you will not feel obligated to work on your marriage. You will not spend the time to fix the problems. Your heart’s not in it. 

Every relationship requires commitment. Without it, you will disregard your spouse’s needs. You will not think about your responsibilities as a spouse. In a marriage, both people need to be committed. Both people need to put the effort into the relationship. If only one person is doing all the work, the marriage will fail. 

What is Marital Commitment?

Commitment is defined as loyalty to a partner and it can come in several forms:

  • Moral commitment. A person may choose to stay in their marriage due to social norms or religious beliefs. They have concerns about how a divorce would be judged by others, so they feel as if they have a duty to stay committed to their spouse.
  • Structural commitment. This involves entangling your life with another person. Married couples have joint bank accounts, shared assets, and children. This makes it harder to leave a relationship. 
  • Personal commitment. Unlike moral and structural commitments, a personal commitment has an emotional component. The relationship and bond a person has with their partner is the most important thing in their life. They stay committed because they want to, not because they feel like they need to. A personal commitment to your partner is the most important because it regulates how we feel about them and how we treat them.

Get Rid of Options

Many people feel less committed in their relationships because they believe they have options. They dream about having other partners or other lifestyles. This makes it hard for them to work on their relationships. It also affects how they treat their partners. 

Think about your commitment to your partner. Do you feel as though you have options? When you are bored, do you wish you were doing something with someone else? Are you staying in your marriage because you truly want to, or because you feel you need to?

Think about things you can do to enhance personal commitment in your marriage. Positive actions, such as doing something your partner enjoys, can be helpful. Caring and affection helps us feel more connected and committed to our partners.

However, kind deeds and feelings of commitment can only go so far. Marriages that are one-sided, unsatisfying, or full of negativity or conflict are not ones filled with commitment. 

Seek Legal Help

Are you committed to your marriage? Would you say you are regularly putting in 110% into your relationship? 

Staying committed to a marriage can be difficult, especially when you have options. Maybe the grass is greener elsewhere. Perhaps you are falling in love with someone else and are considering  divorce. Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you understand your options. If you choose divorce, we can help you through the process. Get started with a consultation. Call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form.