Is Your Marriage in the “Roommate” Phase

Is Your Marriage in the “Roommate” Phase?

When couples first get married, they are in the honeymoon stage. They spend almost all their time together and cannot keep their hands off each other. Romance is at the forefront of their minds.

Unfortunately, that stage does not last forever. Life gets busier over time as people get their careers established and add children to the mix. With so much going on, intimacy gets put on the back burner. Couples may not have sex very much. They may not even hold hands, hug, kiss, or communicate much.

When your spouse is more like a platonic friend than a lover or romantic partner, then the marriage has essentially entered the “roommate phase.” You and your spouse are too comfortable living together. You are just like friends. The romance is gone and there is no more intimacy.

It gets to the point where communication is minimal. You may not ask each other questions anymore. You may be unaware of each other’s plans. You may not even care if or when your spouse comes home.

You may think living like roommates is not so bad. At least you are not fighting with each other. Your spouse is not being insulting or mean to you. It could be a lot worse in your mind.

But this begs the question: did you marry your spouse just to be your friend? You could have done that without the hassle of getting married. What is the point of staying married if you cannot experience the thrill of romance and love with someone?

A lack of romance in a marriage is not a good thing at all. More than likely, someone is dissatisfied with this situation. They may be looking for romance elsewhere, leading to infidelity and even divorce.

The roommate stage can happen in several ways. There may be other priorities in a marriage. They may have demanding work schedules. They may be busy with kids. Sometimes there is a loss of attraction.

Sometimes couples do not even realize they are in the roommate stage. They think their relationship is stable and strong. The intimacy has been gone for so long that they assume everything is normal. You may still enjoy your spouse’s company but feelings of love are no longer there. You stay together because you assume that’s the right thing to do.

Are you in a roommate state of your marriage? Here are the signs to look for.

There is No More Intimacy

This is the biggest sign of a marriage in the roommate stage. If you are no longer having sex or intimacy in some way, then you have a big problem. Your marriage is deteriorating and unless you fix the situation quickly, one spouse is going to get frustrated and leave the marriage.

There is No More Affection

If there is no sex, is there any affection at all? Do you still kiss, hug, and hold hands? These forms of affection will help keep the spark alive in your marriage. If there is none of this activity going on, then you might as well just be roommates.

The Relationship Has Become a Burden

Marriage should be fun and exciting, not a burden. If spending time with your spouse is not something you enjoy doing anymore, and you would rather do things alone or with someone else, then your relationship is in trouble. You need to spend time together to develop a connection.

You Do Everything Alone

Marriage is about doing things together with someone you love. While it is good to have some alone time in a marriage, if you are constantly on your own, then your marriage is not thriving. You do not care about spending time with your spouse, so you are no longer developing a connection. You are pretty much acting as if you are single.

Communication is Non-Existent

If you avoid talking to your spouse even when you are in the same room, then you are not in a good relationship. You should be happy to talk about your day, your goals, your future plans, and your interests. When you would rather send messages via apps instead of having a face-to-face chat about household responsibilities and your life in general, then the future of your marriage looks bleak. 

You are Developing New Romantic Interests

If you are not getting what you need out of your marriage, you may be looking for love elsewhere. You may start developing crushes on other people. You may start diverting your attention to this new romantic interest as you search for what you are missing in your marriage. But you need to be careful. Over time, feelings may start to develop and turn into a full-blown affair.

You are Miserable

When your marriage does not meet your expectations, it becomes miserable to deal with. Marriage should be happy and fun. If you can’t remember the last time you were intimate with your spouse, then you are not happily married. You are in a miserable marriage and you need to figure out what to do next.

Seek Legal Help

If your spouse feels more like a roommate, then it is time to communicate with them about your marriage and figure out where to go from here. You need to make some changes or your marriage will quickly turn into an unhappy relationship.

Can’t bring back the spark in your relationship? Life is too short. Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you end the marriage and move on. Be happy with your life once again. To schedule a consultation with our office, fill out the online form or call (954) 346-6464.