You just can’t stop thinking about the cute guy at the supermarket who smiled at you. A beautiful young woman caught your eye as you were walking down the street.
The interactions put a little extra pep in your step and brighten up your day. But you may wonder how these fantasies can affect your marriage. If you are married, isn’t thinking about someone else equivalent to cheating?
Not necessarily. Thinking about someone else is not as bad as you may think. In fact, having fantasies is actually normal—even if they are sexual in nature and you are in a committed relationship. Fantasies are generally a healthy part of the human experience and the majority of humans have sexual fantasies. They even come with advantages that can help your marriage.
Benefits of Fantasies
Sometimes dealing with reality is not that fun, so we fantasize what life would be like with someone else. While you might be freaking out that you are even thinking that way when you are happily married, the truth is that you should not worry about it. They are normal thoughts to have, and frankly, they make you feel good. What’s wrong with that, especially when life can be so busy and stressful nowadays?
You do not have to act on your fantasies, but if thinking about someone else turns you on, that could be a positive for your sex life. You do not have to tell your partner that you are feeling sexy because of the cute guy you saw. Just let your imagination run wild and watch your sexual pleasure increase.
Fantasies can also help you understand your desires. What exactly are you fantasizing about? Is it a new sex position? Is there a certain person that keeps appearing in your fantasies? If so, why do you think that is? What do they have that your partner doesn’t have?
You can also think of ways to live out your fantasies. Think about what is going on and what makes your fantasies so enjoyable. Tell your partner what turns you on. Is it having sex in a different place or position? Fantasies can help improve communication and inspire role play, so pay attention to the details.
Generally speaking, having sexual fantasies can be good for your marriage. The truth is a lot of couples lack creativity in the bedroom, especially when they have been together for a long time. The spark has gone and things have become boring, causing their sex lives to take a nosedive. So if you and your spouse are having sexual fantasies, you should feel free to act them out. You will feel immense excitement at the degree of exploration that you may not have done since your relationship was in the early stages.
How Fantasies Can be Bad
The imagination is a powerful thing and if not kept in check, your fantasies can do more harm than good and spill over into real life. This can cause you to neglect your marriage and even engage in an affair. Of course, both these things can put your marriage on the rocks and lead to divorce.
Therefore, you want to have a good balance in your life. You do not want to be constantly fixated on the same fantasy. While you should not feel bad about your thoughts—since thinking and acting are not the same things—a fixation can be exhausting and even cause trouble in real life. This is especially true if you have fantasies about an attractive co-worker. Constantly thinking about them in a sexual way can ruin your work relationship and make things awkward.
Once you cross that line, a harmless fantasy can turn into temptation. Too much immersion into fantasy can enhance your feelings toward the subject of your fantasies. If you are not using these fantasies to help your marriage and sex life, then they can turn bad and become obsessive.
Keep in mind that fantasies can provide comfort and stimulation. But when they become compulsive and repetitive, they can provide the fuel for affairs. If you are ever in a situation with the person in the fantasy and you discover that they feel the same way about you, it can be difficult to back away or let go. Many people get caught up in the moment and engage in sexual activity. They do things they may later regret.
Indeed, fantasies can make you feel as though you are on drugs. Research shows that when a person is infatuated, the brain shows the same changes as does the brain on cocaine. It leads to continuous pleasure-seeking and gratification, which can be concerning, especially when the person is already in a relationship.
In any case, seeing a therapist can help you get rid of unwanted thoughts. If you feel as though your fantasies are controlling your life, do not hesitate to seek mental help before you ruin your marriage. There may also be help available online.
Seek Legal Help
Fantasizing about someone else can be helpful to your marriage to some degree, particularly to your sex life. However, too much of a good thing can backfire, causing you to give in to temptation and cheat on your spouse.
If you are fantasizing too much about someone else, you may be tired of your marriage. Seek legal help from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. We will help you through the divorce process and get your case finalized quickly. To schedule a consultation, fill out the online form or call (954) 398-5712.