How to Focus on the Kids and Avoid Post-Divorce Messiness

How to Focus on the Kids and Avoid Post-Divorce Messiness

If you think your marriage is messy, divorce could potentially be much messier. Ending a marriage is no easy task. There are heightened emotions involved and things may be especially complicated if one party wants to divorce but the other does not.

This is the case with rapper Kanye West and reality TV star Kim Kardashian. The celebrity couple, who were married for seven years, is currently going through a divorce. The two have joint custody of their four children.

There has been a lot of drama so far with the couple’s divorce. Kardashian was the one who filed for divorce and West has been trying to get her to change her mind. So far, though, she is sticking with her decision.

Kardashian has been dating already, making West even angrier. In fact, she has been in a high-profile relationship with comedian Pete Davidson from “Saturday Night Live” and West is trying to derail it with mean comments about Davidson. West says that Davidson will never meet his children and alleges that Kardashian has been keeping the kids away from him.

This is an example of post-divorce messiness. This happens quite often in all types of relationships, whether or not celebrity status or money is involved. It all has to do with feelings. Simply put, some people handle divorce better than others. Kardashian is making the most of her divorce by moving on with someone new. West, on the other hand, is jealous and threatened by Kardashian’s ability to move on into a new relationship. He is scared and frustrated. This has caused him to lash out and bring his children into his divorce drama.

Post-divorce life is an overwhelming and emotional time. You have to adjust to the heartbreak of your marriage ending while learning to live life as a single person. You are now doing things on your own and making new friends.

The single life can be especially difficult when your ex is quickly moving on and you are not. It can make you jealous and depressed, especially if you see your ex happy with a new love. On top of that, the fact that you are no longer seeing your children on a full-time basis can be devastating for a parent. You may also be worried about your children developing a relationship with your ex’s new partner. 

The feelings of fear and jealousy that West is experiencing are actually normal, but they are not healthy when children are involved. Children are also feeling emotional when their parents divorce. They are going through a lot of stress as well. They may be scared and anxious about the future. 

Parents need to be there for their children. They should know about the negative consequences of loyalty tests for children as well as how mothers and fathers are equally important in the lives of their children. Parents should not be using them as pawns in a divorce. They should not be involving them in their post-divorce messiness and drama. 

Guidelines to Follow

Instead, parents should be helping their kids through trials and tribulations. They should not forget that their children are also feeling upset about the changes to their family structure. There are many ways in which mothers and fathers can help their kids adjust and feel loved during the transition. Turn angry and hurtful feelings into healthy, productive behavior with these tips:

  • Focus on the best interests of your child. Instead of trying to create drama with your ex, focus on your child’s needs. Think about what is best for them instead of putting them in the middle of your conflict and causing unnecessary stress. This should be the guiding principle as you navigate through your divorce and beyond.
  • Keep children out of conflict. Do not put your children in the middle of your and your ex’s conflict. No matter how angry you may be, keep the kids out of it. Children should not be exposed to their parents’ blaming, threats, and acts of revenge. All it does is make things more stressful for them.
  • Do not engage in loyalty battles. Do not force your child to take sides or pick a favorite parent. This is hurtful, as children should be encouraged to love both parents equally. Asking them to make a choice is unhealthy and all it does is feed the parent’s ego.
  • Make your children feel loved. Both parents should be involved in letting their children know that they will keep them safe and secure. Focus on positive things that will help create  a stable life for your children. 
  • Be involved in your child’s life. Attend their school activities. Take them to the park or other fun places. Ask them about their lives. Being actively involved in your child’s life will help them adjust in the long term. 
  • Get a reality check. If you can’t change your behavior on your own, seek help from others. Consider therapy. Talk to friends and family members about your situation and feelings. Articles and books about divorcing with kids can also be helpful. 

Seek Legal Help

Couples should focus on handling their divorce amicably. Creating drama and trying to bring others into the divorce only makes things worse for the kids. 

Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you divorce amicably. We’ll assess your situation and help you understand your legal rights. Schedule a consultation with our office today by calling (954) 398-5712 or filling out the online form.