How to Control Anger in Your Marriage

How to Control Anger in Your Marriage

Do you sometimes get mad at your spouse? If so, you are not alone. Arguments happen even in the best marriages. Even if you think you and your spouse get along well, you may disagree and raise your voice from time to time.

However, constant anger directed toward your spouse is not healthy. If you feel angry at your spouse on a daily basis, then you need to get it under control. Find out why you are mad and try to resolve the issue. If you cannot, then divorce may be the only option.

Anger is an emotion, just like happiness, anxiety, frustration, and relief. But why do people feel mad? Why would their spouse make them angry all the time?

There are many reasons. Maybe your spouse puts you in uncomfortable situations. Perhaps they say mean or stupid things. Maybe your spouse keeps neglecting their duties, is lazy, or forgets to do things. Perhaps your spouse is bad with money and is keeping you from achieving a financial goal.

Resentment and stress can lead to anger issues. Working long hours and having to do all the work at home as well can make you lash out at your spouse. So can making jokes during serious situations.

As you can see, anger can manifest in many ways. There are many things your partner may do that get on your nerves. Ready to pull your hair out? Need to throw in the towel? Here are some ways to control your anger and possibly save your marriage.

Find Out Why You are Angry

Before you can control your anger, you need to determine the root of your anger. Are you scared or sad? Feeling rejected? Frustrated or resentful? There are many reasons why a person may be angry. You need to figure out why you are feeling angry and what you can do to fix the problem. If the anger is due to your spouse’s behavior, then you need to have a discussion about why you are disappointed in their behavior and how they plan to fix the situation.

Think Before You Act

Many times, we yell at our partner and say mean things, only to have regrets later. Do not be like that. Instead, think before you respond. Take some deep breaths and think about what you will say rather than screaming or badmouthing. By getting quick to anger, you may hurt your partner’s feelings and make matters worse. Instead, take a moment to collect yourself and decide your next steps.

Remain Calm

So to control your anger, you should just remain calm? Easier said than done, right? If your partner is the one who is mad at you, you may respond with anger. Instead, let your spouse have at it. Let them yell at you and say what they need to say. When they are done, discuss the situation calmly. Let your spouse explain why they are mad and try to listen. When you respond with anger, it only makes matters worse.

See Your Partner’s Perspective

There are two sides to every story. Before flying off the handle at your spouse, listen to them. See what they have to say before jumping to conclusions. Once you have a grasp on your partner’s perspective vs. your perspective, you can get a better understanding of the issue. This can keep you from getting angry.

Talk it Out

When people are angry, they often give their partner the silent treatment. They are obviously angry but may refuse to talk to you. Do not let them do this. Try to find ways to get them to talk to you, as communication is key. It will not be easy, as they still try to yell at you and convince you that you are in the wrong. Still, have a plan in place. Try to convince them to talk to you. Sit with them and hold their hand. Make it clear that you want to discuss the issue and try to find a resolution. Avoid raising your voice. Instead, listen and show your support.

Work Together

Arguments are not to be “won.” Nobody wins when a couple has to yell at each other in order to make their voices known. Instead, try to work together as a team. Communicate with each other to solve the problem. Instead of blaming your spouse and using “you,” use “I” or “we” instead. For example, do not say “You never take me on dates anymore,” you could say “I miss our date nights. I want to spend time with you. Let’s schedule something.” This explains how you feel without blaming the other party. Plus, it offers a solution.

Be Ready to Forgive

While some acts are unforgivable, like infidelity and abuse, you should not hold a grudge for everything your partner does. Nobody is perfect, and holding a grudge only leads to more anger and bitterness. You need to accept that your spouse will make mistakes from time to time. Forgiveness helps resolve the issue so you can move on.

Seek Legal Help

While it is natural to be angry at your partner from time to time, constant anger issues can cause your marriage to deteriorate. If you’re not happy with your marriage most of the time, then it may be time to call it quits.

If you cannot control the anger problems in your marriage, Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you divorce. Contact us to learn more about the processes involved. Schedule a consultation today. Call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form to get started.