Relationships work best when couples are secure with themselves and each other. They trust each other and have no reason to worry about infidelity or other problems that can ruin a relationship.
When there is insecurity in a relationship, it can rear its ugly head and cause a lot of problems in a marriage. It can lead to jealousy, controlling behavior, and other unhealthy behaviors. It can even lead to health problems.
What is Insecurity?
So what exactly is insecurity? It means going into a relationship anxious and unsure. It means you are not confident. You may be insecure about one specific element or maybe the entire marriage as a whole. You may not even be aware that you are insecure. In any case, if you are insecure, you need to figure out why and deal with the issue. Otherwise, it could lead to divorce.
Insecurity typically comes about when you are triggered by something. You might be comparing yourself to your partner’s exes. Maybe you saw your spouse texting someone you do not know. Perhaps you saw him be overly friendly with someone of the opposite sex. It could be that you actually saw your spouse kissing or even having sex with someone else.
Insecurity can also come from a painful past. Maybe you were just never good enough for your parents. Perhaps your teachers always belittled you. These situations cause your self-esteem to be affected, leading to insecurity.
These events can all be triggers. And when you experience a trigger, you start to lose trust in your partner. That is when insecurity steps in.
It is OK and even normal to feel insecure from time to time. These are situations in which we might need our spouse’s reassurance. However, if your insecurities become obsessions, then it is time to nip them in the bud before they ruin your marriage.
Signs of Insecurity
Insecurity can manifest in many ways. Uncertainty about your partner’s love, support, and loyalty can crop up at any time during a marriage. Here are some signs you should be aware of:
- Fear of losing your partner. Relationship insecurities may make you feel as though you are not worth your spouse’s time. These uncertainties are common in the early stages of a relationship, but after being married for 10 years, you should not be obsessing about whether or not your partner is attracted to you or loves you anymore. You need to trust them. If you cannot, then your marriage is doomed anyway. Trust is the foundation for a healthy marriage; being insecure in a relationship is simply not worth the energy.
- Constant jealousy. Jealousy is also not healthy. Again, you should be able to trust your partner. If you are suspicious of every move they make, that is not healthy. You should not be trying to look at their phone or other devices. You should not expect your spouse to spend every waking moment with you. If you are becoming extremely possessive and jealous, back off. That is not how a relationship should be. If you cannot trust them, then why be with them?
- Constant monitoring. You should be able to have some autonomy in your relationship. You should not feel like you are being constantly monitored and micromanaged, like a boss would do to you. If your spouse has strict rules for what you can and cannot do and has to monitor your phone constantly, they are feeling insecure and extremely paranoid. Get out of that marriage before things get worse.
- Having to know your partner’s whereabouts at all times. This relates to the constant monitoring mentioned above. Your spouse should be able to go to work and run errands without having to give you minute-by-minute details. Spying on and tracking your spouse is not a sign of love. If you cannot let your partner leave the house without worrying about their every move, then you are insecure. While both genders may be accused of this type of behavior, insecure husbands are more likely to engage in it.
- Needing constant reassurance. It is nice to have our spouses tell us how beautiful we are or how much they love us, but when you expect it constantly, it shows how insecure we are. Your spouse should not have to tell you how much they love every hour of the day. Sometimes you just have to trust that your spouse loves you and is still attracted to you. If this type of insecurity stems from low self-esteem, then therapy may be a helpful tool to help you understand your thoughts and feelings and learn to accept yourself.
- You do not like to be alone. You cannot be clingy with your spouse. You have to accept that you will be away from each other at certain times, such as during work or while running errands. You should not have to rely on having your spouse by your side all the time, nor should you expect them to. A fear of being alone may also cause you to stay in a toxic relationship. Seek help from a friend, loved one, or therapist to get an outsider’s perspective of why you need space in your marriage.
Seek Legal Help
Relationships are easier when both partners are secure with themselves and have high levels of self-esteem. When spouses are jealous and feel suspicious of every move their partner makes, it can make a marriage unstable.
If you cannot trust your spouse or they cannot trust you, it may be time to call it quits. Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can assist you with a divorce. Call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form to schedule a consultation.