You have read so many articles and have asked for advice from friends and family members, but you still cannot get a straight answer for your burning question: Is my marriage over? You do not feel happily married. You and your spouse argue about the same things over and over. You hardly speak to each other. You constantly fantasize about leaving and feel there is more bad than good in your marriage.
Despite all the things you are not happy with, you do not seem to know whether or not you should file for divorce. Is the grass greener on the other side? Will things get better if you stay?
Some things can be changed. For example, if you no longer communicate and share your feelings with your spouse, then just start doing it. Share the positive feelings you have and you might see your marriage get better because of it.
However, despite our best efforts, marriages sometimes do not work out. It is a good idea to know the signs early on so you can either fix the problem or end the marriage and move on without wasting too much time. Here are some signs that your marriage is over.
You Act Like You are Single
If you are out partying every night with your friends instead of staying home with your spouse, then your marriage is not going to last. If you are constantly going to bars and talking to single men or women, that means you might be desiring a different life.
You Think About Cheating
A healthy marriage does not involve sex with other people. If you are thinking about being with someone else, then you need to take a hard look at why you have these feelings. You need to get to the root cause of the issue. Otherwise, one day you will go too far and end up cheating, which will likely end your marriage for good.
The Future Does Not Include Your Spouse
If you are imagining what your life will look like 10, 15 or 20 years down the line and your spouse is not part of the picture, then something is wrong. In a healthy marriage, you and your spouse would be on the same page regarding goals and dreams. If you do not think you can accomplish your dreams unless you are single or with someone else, then your marriage is clearly over.
Spending Large Amounts of Money Without Consent
While it is OK to spend money on bills and necessities (or even trips to Starbucks), it is not OK to buy a car or designer clothes without your spouse’s consent. Spending thousands or even several hundred dollars at a time on a regular basis without your spouse’s knowledge is a sign of disrespect, especially if they are the primary earners. In fact, financial issues are one of the top causes of divorce.
Sex is Non-Existent
Sex is important in a marriage, and while it is not everything, it is huge. If you and your spouse stop having sex for months at a time for no apparent reason, then you have a problem on your hands. Intimacy is important in a marriage, and if you and your spouse are no longer attracted to each other, or one person no longer desires sex, then there is a problem. A relationship without sex is pretty much a roommate situation and often comes with anger and resentment.
You Do Not Agree About Having Kids
Children are a huge responsibility and if you both are not on the same page, then there is bound to be some resentment from one person. You both need to agree to either have kids or do not have them. It is hard to compromise and negotiate on this subject, since you will be financially responsible for your kids for at least 18 years. If the marriage does not last, then you will have to deal with child support and custody, which can be complicated. Having kids is a major issue and ideally one that you should discuss before you get married.
You Keep Secrets
Your spouse is your partner who should know virtually everything about you. You should not have to hide anything from them. If you are keeping secrets from them about anything important that could affect your marriage, then you need to either tell them or move on.
You Cannot Talk Without Fighting
If you and your spouse hardly ever talk anymore because talking always erupts into fights, then you may want to start the divorce process. In a loving relationship, you should be able to discuss things without raising your voice. Having to yell about everything is not a pleasant experience, so get out of that environment quickly.
Therapy is Not Working
For many couples, therapy is a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. It can be difficult to admit that your marriage is not working and you need outside help, but you need to put your pride aside and at least try therapy. If one person refuses to attend or if the therapy is not working, then it is a sign that nothing can save your marriage and divorce is on the horizon.
Seek Legal Help
Marriages are hard. When both parties are not contributing and putting in the effort, it can lead to resentment. Still, many people miss the signs that their marriage is barely hanging on and divorce is imminent.
Is your marriage over? If you are ready to start the divorce process, Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help. We can assist you in dealing with all the elements of divorce. Schedule a consultation today. Fill out the online form or call (954) 346-6464.