Going through a divorce can be devastating, especially if you have been married for quite some time. Transitioning back to the single life can be scary. Being married may have been all you have ever known in your adult life. How will you live on your own?
Your identity may be tied to your ex-spouse. You need to let that identity go. You now need to forge a new identity on your own, but you may not know how to do so, or you may be too scared.
Transitioning to singlehood means going outside your comfort zone. It can be frightening at first, but after some time, you will get used to being on your own. It can even be exciting.
So how do you go about it? Here are some ways to embrace being on your own after a divorce.
Define Who You Are
When you were married, it was always about both you and your spouse. You probably made a lot of “we” statements. Now that you are no longer married, start using those “I” statements. Think about what you want to do and do it.
You should think about who you were when you were married and see if that identity still applies. Most likely, you did a lot of things you did not want to do or acted a certain way to please your spouse. Now you do not have to do that. It is all about you, so think about what makes you happy and what type of person you want to be.
Prioritize Your Health
Divorce can make a person lose a lot of weight. That is because now you have a lot of free time to think about your divorce, so you may be sleeping and eating a lot less. Find ways to make healthy living a priority. Engage in healthy eating habits and make it a point to exercise regularly. Do not neglect your emotional and mental health. Try yoga and meditation. Jot down your thoughts in a journal. See a therapist if necessary.
Spend Time With Friends and Family Who Support You
When you divorce, you find out who your real friends are. Many will want to stay away from you because they do not approve of your decision or just do not know what to do or say. Your real family will become closer so they can support you, while others will distance themselves and avoid you. Focus on the people who truly care about you and lean on them for support.
Do Not Worry About What People Say
Everyone has an opinion about everything, so expect that there will be people with mean-spirited comments about your divorce and singlehood. They may have advice about dating or divorce that does not really apply to you. The neighbors may be gossipping about you. People are going to have comments, no matter what you do. Some people will be supportive, while others will not be. Just ignore them and move on.
Make a Bucket List
You likely had to make sacrifices for your marriage because the things you wanted to do did not mesh with what your ex-spouse wanted to do. Now is the time to do the things you want to do. Make a list and start checking things off. Want to go back to school or learn a new language? Do it. Always wanted to live by the beach? Now is the time to do it. Want to go on a cruise or learn to ride a motorcycle? You can do those things, as well. Do your research, set completion dates and get things done. Now is the time to be selfish. You will be thrilled at all the exciting things you can do on your own.
Revisit an Old Hobby
Relive the passion you once had for something you loved to do before you got married. Maybe you enjoyed working on cars. Perhaps you enjoyed arts and crafts. Maybe you used to be on a recreational sports team. Think about the things you used to enjoy and do them. It can make you feel young at heart and excited for life once again.
Do Things on Your Own
Now that you are single, you cannot expect to have a partner to do everything with you. Learn to be comfortable doing things on your own. Go have coffee on your own. Go to the movies or a concert. Go run errands. Go hang out in the park. You should even travel on your own. Exploring new places can be scary when you are alone, but it will make you appreciate life more. It teaches you to stop and smell the roses. It helps you slow down and not always be in a rush in life. As a single person, you may be in a rush to get into a relationship again, but learn to enjoy the freedom that the single life offers you first. Do not worry about dating right now. Enjoy your freedom while you can.
Seek Legal Help
Being single after being married for so long can seem daunting. What do you do now? Learn how to embrace being single so you can live your best life.
Need help adapting to post-divorce life? Seek legal help from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. He can provide you with the resources you need to not only survive but thrive as a single man or woman. To learn more, contact our office by calling (954) 346-6464 or filling out the online form.