Are You Married to the Right “Type” of Person?

Are You Married to the Right “Type” of Person?

Many of us have a “type” of person that we are attracted to. Maybe he’s tall, dark, and handsome. Perhaps she’s a thin blonde with blue eyes. Maybe you are more into personality and prefer someone who is extroverted.

 

Many people exclusively seek out people who meet their specifications, but this is not always a good thing. This often means that we are limiting ourselves. You may think you are only attracted to blondes, but maybe you would actually be more compatible with a brunette. It is a huge world out there, so you should not believe that only one type of person is right for you.

 

In fact, most people do not marry their type. But why not? It has to do with fairy tales. When we are young, we have an image of Prince/Princess Charming in our mind. But this idea is not vague; in fact, it is usually very detailed. As we get older, we realize it is harder and harder to find someone who matches this perfect image we have in our minds. Therefore, we make compromises. 

 

Maybe the ideal man does not have to be over six feet tall. Perhaps your ideal woman does not have to have blue eyes. And that is fine. As we get older, we realize we cannot pick and choose exactly what we want. We learn to compromise and focus on finding someone with the qualities that are more important like honesty, intelligence, and trust—although we can focus on physical qualities, as well. But in any case, the fairy tale that we once had gets less specific.

 

Even though dating apps allow us to be as selective as we want, is that really in your best interests? Not necessarily. It is good to cast a wider net. Broaden your horizons. Maybe you really do like introverts. You might like that woman with the tattoos. 

 

Dating someone who is not your usual type can be beneficial. Marrying someone who is your type could lead to divorce down the line. It is not simple, but there are several good reasons to date and marry someone who is not your type. 

 

Why are We Drawn to a Specific Type?

 

Types may be developed from the early days, when life was short. Women wanted men who were healthy and strong and could provide for them. Men wanted healthy and fertile women. 

 

Nowadays, the type of mate we are seeking has to do with influences. Our personal history has a lot to do with it. Our interactions with family members determine our preferences and type. The presence or absence of key family members can determine how we feel about certain types of people. 

 

Also, our brains like to seek out patterns. When we are around a certain type of person a lot or see a specific person on a regular basis, we end up more drawn to them.

 

Why We Should Date and Marry Outside Our Type

 

While we might feel drawn to specific people, this type of thinking limits us. While you should not lower your standards, you should keep an open mind when it comes to dating. You do not always know who will attract you. You could find happiness with someone who is your complete opposite, so do not limit yourself. Here are some other reasons why we need to break the cycle and broaden our horizons

 

  • You do not want to judge someone. When you are rejecting someone because they are not your type, you are judging them. Remember, you can’t judge a book by its cover, and this is especially easy to do with online dating. When you are swiping left or right on someone, you are basically judging them by their looks, and that is not a good thing. Open your eyes and go for someone who is not as familiar to you. Otherwise, you could be missing out on someone great.
  • You are always in unhealthy relationships. If you keep dating the same type of man or woman over and over and get the same bad results, then it is time to venture outside your usual type. It is time to break that pattern and find someone who is good for you. You may not even realize that you are dating the same type of toxic person, but if you are, you should seek help from a mental health professional who can help you deal with underlying issues you may have. 
  • You don’t always know who is right for you. You may be looking for someone who is similar to you. While it is good to have a partner with a similar personality, interests, and goals, you want to shake things up a little, as well. Look at your dating history and look for similarities in the people you date. What do they have in common? Then look for someone who maybe does not have those traits. 
  • It will be a challenge. While it feels good to stay in our comfort zones, sometimes it feels even better to venture outside of it and date someone who is not your normal type. When looking at a photo of someone who is not normally your type, take the time to read their profile. You might find some similarities that can make them attractive. Maybe you work in the same field. Perhaps you both love cats. You are bound to find something you like about the person. In any case, you will learn to look at the big picture. 

 

Seek Legal Help

Is your spouse really the right type of person for you? What happens when you do not marry your type? 

Most people do not marry their type. They end up settling or compromising, which is not always a bad thing, but can lead to incompatibility. If you are not interested in staying married, a divorce may be the only way out. Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you divorce with ease. Fill out the online form or call (954) 398-5712 to schedule a consultation.