In an ideal relationship, everyone feels loved and wanted. You are in a healthy marriage and treated well by your spouse.
This is not how every relationship works, though. Some marriages are unhealthy, with one spouse wielding power over the other. In many cases, though, the victim is unaware that they are being used by their partner. They are so in love that they just do not see what is happening.
When someone is being used, they are not being treated well. They may be used for something they can provide, like sex, power, or money. Being used is almost synonymous with being abused.
If your spouse is taking advantage of you, they are likely abusing you in some shape or form. This abuse is usually emotional or physical in nature. A common example is that someone may use you for your time or money without giving you anything in return. If you mention that you are unhappy with the relationship, they may make you feel guilty. If they do act nice toward you, it is usually in the form of superficial compliments.
If your spouse does this to you, they may be a narcissist. That is becoming more and more common. However, not all “users” are narcissists. Anyone can use a person if they feel it will be beneficial for them.
Victims start to catch on over time. They see how negative their spouse is being toward them, and they start to feel depressed and alone. They may start to see the light and even consider divorce.
Do you think you are a victim? Here are some signs that your spouse is taking advantage of you.
Nothing is Ever Good Enough
Your spouse may give you constant criticism. They may tell you you are never good enough or that you do not deserve something. They want you to feel weak so that you will rely on them. You will also feel insecure and unsure of yourself.
You are Constantly Blaming Yourself
Your spouse’s behavior may have you constantly blaming yourself for all the problems in your marriage. They may do this through gaslighting, which involves the use of psychological methods to make someone question their sanity. Your spouse will make you believe that everything is your fault. You know that something is wrong in your marriage, but you are led to believe that your spouse is blameless. Your controlling spouse is the one telling you that you are the one making the mistakes.
You are Isolated From Loved Ones
Your partner may try to control you by isolating you from friends and family members. They do this because they are threatened by others. They do not want you to communicate with others because you might tell them that you are being abused by your spouse. Then that will blow their cover. Your spouse wants you to depend on them – and only them. Again, it is another form of control that takes advantage of you.
You Have No Money of Your Own
If you have no money of your own, then financial abuse may be a possibility. Your spouse may take your money away and prevent you from getting a job because they want you to rely on them. They do not want you to become financially independent because they want to control you. You will have to rely on them, but if you make them angry, they could cut you off altogether. This will leave you with nothing.
You Have to Watch What You Say
You may be walking on eggshells when your spouse is around because saying the wrong thing will get them angry. If you cannot even voice an opinion without your spouse getting mad, what kind of marriage is that? Certainly not one of equality.
If your partner is offended by everything you say, and you are forced to keep quiet, that is abusive. On top of that, it is controlling of them to limit your freedom. You end up being on edge all the time, which makes it hard to be yourself.
The Relationship is One-Sided
If you are the one putting in the effort to cater to your partner’s needs, and they do nothing for you in return, then you are being used. Your partner does not want you; they just want you to do things for them. Your spouse wants you to cater to their every need. This type of one-sided relationship can breed resentment. You will not be able to sustain this for too long. Quit catering to their demands and end the marriage now.
You Feel Stuck
If you have no money and are afraid to voice your opinion, then you may be scared to leave the relationship, even though you know it is probably the best option. But you are being used. You are being held hostage in the marriage. However, you need to think about yourself. Think about what you want out of the relationship. You may need help leaving from a third party, such as a friend, family member, or even a lawyer.
Seek Legal Help
Nobody wants to be treated poorly in a relationship. If you think your spouse is taking advantage of you, it may be time to pull the plug on the marriage.
Is being used what you want from the relationship? If not, that is certainly understandable. Move on with help from Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. We will help you deal with all of divorce’s legal and emotional aspects. Get started by scheduling a consultation. Call our office at (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form.